LOLA: Maintenance Guide and Manual
by Blue Phoenix135790
Summary: We at Zero-G/Crypton Incorporated believe in giving you the finest quality products that money can buy. We greatly appreciate your recent purchase and if you ever have any problems after reading this manual, a support team is available 24/7. Enjoy!


**A/N:** It should be noted that the Lola I always imagine is this one: http:/ /www. youtub e. com/watc h?v=Gn3n Edq7MTA (Remove spaces, da?)

With that, no disclaimer. If you start complaining, I will punch your baby.

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><p>Congratulations! You just got a free pack of Stride gum! And a LOLA unit! While you enjoy the long-lasting flavor, please read this manual.<p>

**Accessories**

LOLA units come packaged with

1. Multi-purpose frying pan

2. Hairbrush

3. Cher CDs

**Common Personality Settings**

Sassy

Flirtatious

Bossy/Mother-in-Law

In a contrast to her fair-haired "partner" unit, LEON, LOLA units are amazingly independent, and will not hesitate to show this fact. She may even go into a state described by our (now discontinued) SAI TONARINE units as "A black girl in the 'hood". (Please note that the units were discontinued before they even hit the markets, due to our COCO MACNE units overhearing.)

Unfortunately, being "siblings" to the LEON unit has rubbed off on the LOLA unit, causing her to be slightly flirtatious towards men she deems "worthy". HOW she deems them worthy is still a mystery…

This final mode will only be activated during arguments that take up hours upon hours. During this mode, she will command utter respect, and will even start nagging the debaters and/or point out every flaw they have.

**Other Compatible/Incompatible Units**

LEON: The LEON and LOLA units are "partner" units, and were the first two units created. As such, they are good friends, but only regard each other as siblings. Dual ownership isn't needed, but it is encouraged.

KAITO: These two are on shaky terms, as the original KAITO unit made a comment to the original LEON about having an "entire harem of English girls to himself". This got the KAITO unit beat up, and the term "BaKaito" was born, to his sadness. Dual ownership is not recommended.

LUKA MEGURINE: These units are used by English-only units to cross the language gap between the English and Japanese models. LOLA units have been known to view them like sisters, however. Ownership is recommended if you plan on getting a Japanese unit as well.

RITSU NAMINE: These units by UTAULOID, Inc. became friends after the original RITSU unit overheard the LOLA unit in Mother-In-Law mode. Since then, the two units have been known to troll the Internet together, as well as with the original SUKONE TEI unit on a monthly basis. Ownership is not recommended, but will work out well if purchased.

MIKU HATSUNE: LOLA units are known to take care of these units, but often feel as if they are living in the MIKU unit's shadow.

**Other Uses and Purposes**

LOLA units have mature, masculine voices, possibly to contrast the LEON unit's high, feminine voices. Whether this is a glitch or not is currently unknown.

Besides this, LOLA units, despite their origin, can make sublime meals-as long as you like soul food. As the first LOLA unit made all of her meals with a frying pan (Even bread. We still have no idea how.), it is safe to let your LOLA unit cook for company.

**Handling and Care**

These units are possibly the most self-sufficient of all of the units, but if you happen to be a "worthy" male, she will try to feign incapacitation, much like a LEON unit. If you do not respond, she will give up and do everything herself.

This unit's hair is actually rather curly, and needs to be brushed every morning, while LOLA can do it herself, some units are actually slightly clueless on how to use the brush "correctly". The key to brushing her hair is to put on the Cher CDs, and while LOLA is distracted by the woman's voice, brush the unit's hair quickly and efficiently.

**Frequent****ly Asked Questions**

Q: My LOLA unit was proposed to by a LEON unit! And she agreed! What's going on?

A: Oh, dear. You better take the two to a country that allows incest, and wish them your best regards. Otherwise, there is nothing you can do.

Q: My LOLA unit can't cook, but my LEON unit can! Is this a problem.

A: Yes, a large problem. Send them back immediately, and we will fix them up and send them back to you, free of charge.

Q: My LOLA saw me playing Portal 2, and now she won't stop singing "Want You Gone". Is this a problem?

A: Hardly. The thing is, the original LEON and LOLA units were criticized for having such "robotic" voices. So, perhaps LOLA is enjoying the sound of a robotic female voice that's not hers. If not, then she's preparing to send deadly neurotoxins into your bedroom while you sleep.

Many well wishes to you and thank you for buying from Zero-G/Crypton Inc.!

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><p><strong>AN: **Who else can see Lola becoming GLaDOS?

This wasn't nearly as funny as the Leon manual. Funny, because you can't spell Lola without LOL.

REVIEW, DAMMIT!


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